1. |
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They make donuts shaped like Ford Rangers
I stubbed my toe on a skyscraper
And about a thousand thumbtacks
Pink faucet
Entertainment center
I went and checked out all the dryers
And they were a lot of fun
Wile E Coyote was a warrior
Diskette, diskette
Fishing pole, fishing pole
And I took my hamburger helper out for a walk
Well I looked at the octopus and I said
“Hey, you’re pretty good at that guitar playin’ son, but
Hand that thing over to me and I’ll show you how it’s not done.”
Well the octopus laid down the trumpet and his green velcro wallet
And said, “Man you just got it goin’ on now, don’tcha?”
Apple juice.
Ha! I bet you can’t play that on your trombone!
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2. |
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Green gravity, green gravity.
Shoestring WOF
Shoestring wheel of fortune.
Tablecloth bandaid.
Compact potatodisc.
Rewind the cheesebook, textbook
94 year free California giraffe.
I was watchin’ Wheel of Fortune
No I was listenin’ to Wheel of Fortune on the radio.
Lookin’ at a shoestring while we were drivin’ down the road.
We couldn’t solve the puzzle because we couldn’t see it.
All we could hear was the pinging and people saying
“I’d like a J please.”
Vanna White was turnin’ letters, Pat Sajak was tellin’ stuff.
All I could do was read a magazine and
Play basketball until my ears fell off.
The magic sheet of porcupine belts is here.
Microwave inside your toes.
Microwave inside your hat. Yeah.
I would like some feedback from y’all.
(feedback)
Growing out of your socks every week,
Mowin’ the lawn until you grow hair on the lawnmower.
Playin’ the piano like it wasn’t nothin’!
I don’t understand how you can go around
Putting Velveeta on the lock.
Shoestring wheel o’fortune
Shoestring wheel o’fortune
Shoestring wheel o’fortune
Yeah!
Shoestring wheel o’fortune
Shoestring wheel o’fortune
Shoestring!
Toothbrush wheel o’fortune
Toothbrush wheel o’fortune
Yeah.
Shoestring wheel o’fortune!
Toothbrush wheel o’fortune!
Canvas beercan wheel o’fortune.
That’s right folks!
Step right up for your chance to win one cent!
Flap your wings, and eat the orange juice red solid cat
Wearing the collar.
Phone cord talkin’ to a zebra
Phone cord talkin’ to that zebra yeah!
It’s Monday night, Monday night football.
Thermometer hangin’ on the wall,
Thermometer hangin’ on the wall.
The bicycle tire is mad.
The bicycle tire is mad!
Mad, I tell ya.
That bicycle tire’s mad.
That guitar string is getting mad!
I have a friendly newspaper.
The shoestring is telling me to buy a vowel.
“Stay on the line, we’ll be right with you”
Said the pink 7?
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3. |
The Parrot Routine
00:27
|
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Parrot.
Really strange Parrot.
Savings account Parrot.
Lost Parrot.
Speed Limit sign Parrot.
Golf ball Parrot.
In a jar of detergent Parrot.
Stolen Parrot.
A bird that is not a… Parrot.
Ferret Parrot?
Uhhh… carpet Parrot.
Light bulb Parrot.
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4. |
Grilled Cheese and Beer
06:32
|
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Timothy Leary had a grilled cheese and beer
He had a blue and white sock and a frozen toupee.
The gel was not stylin’ and the birds they weren’t flyin’
Cheesecake and jam was tulip shoebox.
Cornbread! Blue jeans.
Dr. Timothy Leary.
Melted down a orange lightly.
Country Fuji!
Electrical ham sandwich.
Dr. Tim Leary, he went to Chicago.
He had some windshield wipers.
He rolled over a piece of tape
And he never made it out of New Zealand.
Jeff Foxworthy said the VCR works just fine
when he went to frame a calendar.
Hey, whatcha doin’ with the bacon on the house?
Oh no, a trash can.
Timothy Leary had a grilled cheese and beer
He had a blue and white sock and a frozen toupee.
The gel wasn’t stylin’ and the birds they weren’t flyin’
Cheesecake and jam was tulip shoebox
And the only way the elevator was blue
Was if there was a tire in the orange juice machine!
I don’t know if there was a piece of…
Yeah, yeah, a piece of Velcro.
Stone Age Temple Pilots.
Timothy Leary had a grilled cheese and beer
He had a blue and white sock and a frozen toupee.
The gel was not stylin’ and the.
I can’t read that word, hang on.
The gel was not stylin’ and the birds they weren’t flyin’
The cheesecake and jam was tulip shoebox.
Hi, I have a Social Security Number
And I don’t think the fanblade was made of wood.
My souffle was in a catalog.
Been spendin’ most my life drinkin’ Diet Coke with lots of ice.
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5. |
Full of Mail
03:26
|
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Yeah, yeah
Alright now!
Hey I got some stuff to tell you!
My wife’s eyeglasses are made of bricks.
I have a front door.
And some posters on my carpet.
Yeah
My cat has a tail!
And the mail box is full of mail!
My fireplace doesn’t understand a measuring tape!
Oh no! Oh no!
Basket full of flammable flowers!
Put an ice cube in a nuclear chicken sandwich.
Mini blinds! Cotton balls in the desert!
Let’s see, today is Orthodox Easter and Cinco de Mayo.
Hey, you know what?
Most lipsticks contain fish scales.
I ain’t lyin’, man!
You can prevent forest fires!
You can chew bubble gum with your nose!
Don’t put a dog inside of a camper.
Hello, I’m not going to report the weather to you.
Hahahahahaha!
Yep that’s right.
You’re just gonna have to go outside.
See how many clouds are in the sky.
And then come back in
And microwave some chocolate pudding for ten minutes.
Replace your tires!
Fold some underwear.
Count your hangers.
Computer monitor full of popcorn!
Chili dog, inside, outside.
Oh no, that forest ranger is a robot.
|
||||
6. |
||||
Alright, today, I’m gonna use a guitar pick.
And this is the 10,000 Lakes guitar lesson.
Alright, that is part of a song called Tooth Cleaner, which I will not play today.
It will be released on my new album next July.
This is called French Fries.
Oh, the cabinet smiled.
Happy hour lasts 20 minutes!
I had a cylinder for lunch.
Carpet bag! Yeah yeah.
Velveeta juice blender machine.
Vending machines, vending machines.
Ice cubes without air filters
Roaming in the big fat field by my house.
Coca Cola costs 91 cents in this area.
Harpsichord.
Ball, gentle on your mind.
Ball, gentle on your mind.
Ball, gentle on your mind.
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7. |
Brisketron
03:41
|
|||
How many light bulbs does it take
To go fishin’ on a Thursday?
Alright Jenkins, I need you to investigate these hot dog buns.
Ugly dog washing the dishes.
Ford Taurus. Wesson!
Pizza briefcase.
Missing shoes.
Please pay in exact change, four trillion dollars.
Blank CD, telephone tree.
Top secret vitamin supplements, rocking chair.
Why did you take that thesaurus and microwave it?
Plug in that bag of Cheetos.
Chocolate spatula.
Plastic sack full of cars.
Let’s move to the moon!
Alright, put down that bowl of chili,
Before I walk over to this mailbox over here.
French fries!
|
||||
8. |
||||
Ferris Wheel!
This song is called Vacuum Man.
Raincoat minus.
Sparkletts water.
Where did you put the ice cube?
Near the Sparkletts bottle.
Lamp post, mashed potato.
Laundry basket.
Machine wash… delicate!
Kitty cat. Lawrence!
Get off the couch.
|
||||
9. |
||||
I am not a bicycle, I am a driveway.
How much can you bench press?
$4.73 That's right. Wait, no it ain't.
No Brenda, you're wrong.
Hey let's subscribe to Carpal Tunnel Monthly.
Man, you can't park there! That's a creek!
Trashcan.
Computer chips.
Computer salsa.
WD-40 and cowboy hats - what's the connection?
Vaporizer party! Barnyard teleconference!
Brand new - Clyde's Fabric Softener.
Free month of tanning.
Man I'm so proud. The shark got an Armani suit.
Fresh Prince of Taco Bell!
HBO toe. Yeah! Yeah.
Let's go to Texarkana.
9-volt 3-hole punch.
9-volt 3-hole tropical punch.
Great for tough to wash pots, pans, and ceiling fans.
I'm gonna vote for cheddar cheese.
Biscuits and gravy.
|
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10. |
The Icicle Plan
09:32
|
|||
The bathtub, bathtub.
The bathtub.
Super Mario World Part 2.
Lake Ray Piano Keys.
Microphone attached to a cord.
Washing machine lamp that don’t work anymore.
My carpet, my carpet, my carpet, my carpet,
My carpet, my carpet, my carpet, my carpet has
Plastic bottles growing from it.
The paratroopers, the state troopers
Put their pasteurized process cheese spread in the microwave with
The lawnmowing machine that was extremely hard to start,
Oh yeah, yeah uh
I remember when I used to believe in Santa Claus,
I’d always try and see him on that night.
And I had a plan when he came down that chimney.
I had the milk and the cookies sittin’ out for him.
And I had the plan that when he came in to get the cookies and milk,
I would open up that one present from him, and it would be
It would be that water gun that I’ve always wanted.
But since they don’t sell the water gun in November and December,
It didn’t happen.
But anyway, what I was gonna do with it
Was hurry up and fill it up with water
And spray it at his beard.
And then just, like hypnotize him so he wouldn’t remember that I sprayed water
on his beard.
And then when he went back up the chimney and went to the next house,
He’d have icicles hanging from his beard.
But none of that ever happened, I just made it up.
And there’s a big, blue, metal cat
Trying to eat Cat Chow
And he’s on a sign, a big wooden sign.
Right here in Alabama, New Jersey, Montana,
Um, Canada, Mexico, Antarctica,
And extremely cold places, like Ecuador.
Pardon me, would you like a chicken sandwich?
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10,000 Lakes Texas
10,000 Lakes began in 1993, as a solo project using a Casio SA-7, a combination of acoustic and electric guitar, and completely random lyrics recorded onto a tape recorder. The style has mostly stayed the same, except for a change in keyboard to a CA-110, and pro mic's and a mixer. Chopstick shoes. My belt buckle rented someone else's cupcake remedy. ... more
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